When Chase and I worked at the call centre, there was a little dude there who called his wife from the lunch room on every break. He rarely, if ever, spoke to an actual person, and he would always leave these really long, creepy messages on their answering machine. He would launch into these excruciatingly embarrassing speeches that went something like “I’m just starting my break. I just wanted to call and say that I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you as much as the sun. You are my everything. I love you I love you I love you. I’ll call again at the end of my break. I love you.”
It was actually pretty sad, looking back on it.
Anyway, sometimes, if Chase leaves me a message, he’ll launch into one of this guy’s monologues and, because I am a horrible human being, it cracks me up every single time.
Last night, I drunk-dialed Chase (Lindsay, one of the only people I drink with, is in town and I polished off a half bottle of wine at Phil’s place before I realized how smashed I was), and launched into my own version of Creepy Guy’s testament of love. At the time I thought I was a genius and I told EVERYONE what I said and explained how funny I was. Today, I only find it mildly amusing. I wrote the whole thing down in my cell phone as a reminder to post it, though, and now I feel obligated to share what I said: “I love you I love you I love you. I love you more than the sun. I need you more than water. My body is made up of over 90% Chase.”
Feel free to use that if you’re ever writing a romantic letter to a loved one.
I was talking to Lindsay about this incident today, and she was like “yeah, you thought you were HILARIOUS* and we were all just like ‘…okay?‘”
* Which is true – I was all but rolling around on the ground in hysterics over that ‘90% Chase’ bit.
On a completely different note, I heard a little girl on the bus refer to a cell phone as a “celephone” the other day. So cute! I think she is a genius!