I am really, really picky about the food that I eat. Not so much in the TYPES of food I eat (not anymore, anyway), but in the freshness and the CLEANLINESS of the food I eat. I will rarely drink from a glass, for example, unless I rinse it first. The only time I make exception is when I’m at someone else’s home and I’m worried that they’d think I am insulting their dish-washing capabilities. I am FANATICAL about the way I wash my own dishes, and I still rinse my cups before I drink from them. I can’t stand the thought of drinking soap or dirty dish water or crusty food remnants or dust particles. Yeeee! It makes my skin crawl just thinking of it.
Sometimes, Chase, our roommate and I will all pitch in and make a big meal together. Tonight, Roommate’s mom (who has been visiting for the past week or so) made us all bruschetta and caesar salad. I was so excited about this bruschetta and caesar salad – I can’t even tell you. I expressed excitement about eating it to Roommate and her mom. I was positively DROOLING over this food. I wrote it a poem and demonstrated my love by performing a heart-warming interpretive dance. I wanted this food.
My roommate was grating cheese for the bread, and by accident, dropped the WHOLE bowl of shredded mozzarella on her dog (a big, golden lab). He was WEARING the cheese. There was a big pile on his back. There was cheese all over our kitchen floor (albeit, a freshly washed kitchen floor, but we have two dogs, two cats of our own, and two visiting cats. My house is like a zoo! We have so many animals, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to keep ANYTHING clean).
I looked on in horror as Roommate brushed handfuls of cheese from her dog, picked it up off the floor, and put it back in the container. I thought, “Oh good. She’s just going to throw that out and grate some fresh cheese”. But then she proceeded to EAT a bunch of the floor cheese. And I thought “Oh good. Gross, but good because she’s obviously eating it all herself, and she’ll shred some fresh stuff for us”. You know where I’m going with this, right? You know I’m going to say that she PUT THE FRIGGING CHEESE THAT WAS ALL OVER HER DOG, AND ALL OVER THE FLOOR, ONTO THE BRUSCHETTA, right?!! Because THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE DID! I swear, I saw it happening in slow motion.
And I knew. I knew that I would have to eat that bread. Her mom made it, and I practically made love to the partially finished bruschetta only moments earlier. I knew if I refused to eat it, I would come across as rude. It would be like I was shouting “YOU ARE DIRTY HOGS! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ARE ABOUT TO EAT A BIG PILE OF FILTH OFF OF THE FLOOR!!” at them, after they were nice enough to make me a nice dinner. So I chose a piece that had as little cheese as possible on it, closed my eyes, and ate the bread. Now I can feel my insides OOOOOOZING with all of the germs and creepy crawlies that were on that dog/floor.
I am still reeling over the fact that this happened. Ten second rule aside, who eats food off of a dog?! OH MY GOD! A piece of my soul died today, and I can never get it back.