Animals For Sale

Photo by Chase


Grrr! I can’t tell you how much I dislike living in this apartment with these ANIMALS!! Let me walk you through a typical night by way of illustration (I’ll use last night because, by some miracle, Chase was on the early shift today and I had some help in the evening).

I am usually the first person home after work (98% of the time, anyway), and that means that I am the person responsible for taking the dogs out to pee, feeding them, etc. When I walked through the door last night, I was greeted by a pile of cat puke on the carpet (Roomate’s cat, for whatever reason, pukes a few times a week – always on the carpet, or, more recently, in my bed. Chase and I have a waterproof sheet that fits over our mattress for just such occasions).

We keep the dogs in our bedrooms during the day because even though Roommate’s dog is house trained, he will go to the washroom on the stair landing (out of pure anger and spite) if he’s left out and about for longer periods of time. Dexter isn’t 100% house trained because he’s still tiny and either can’t hold it while we’re at work, or won’t (he goes on these weird floor/diaper pads while we are away).

By the end of the day, the dogs are understandably anxious to get loose (I would be, too. Particularly if I was Roommate’s dog and I hadn’t peed all day). When I let them out of their respective bedrooms, I have to deal with two dogs (one being a giant lab) literally jumping all over me and begging for my attention.

Taking them out to pee is a chore in itself – especially for Roommate’s dog. He gets tied up in the backyard. Ages ago, when I was home by myself and taking him outside, I lost my grip on his collar and he ran away. It took me forever just to get him back in the house. Having learned my lesson, I put him on a leash before I even open the door now, and I don’t let him off until he’s secured to the tree with another line we keep out there for him.

Keep in mind that while I am trying to wrangle these dogs together for their evening pee, they are jumping all over me and all over each other with excitement, whining the whole time. So just getting Roommate’s dog on the leash INDOORS is a struggle, and then I have to do it all over again outside. Last night, he yanked so hard on the leash while we were in the back yard, the rope dug into my hand and drew blood. This happens a lot (sometimes he yanks so hard, I feel like my arm is going to dislocate from my shoulder).

Once Roommate’s dog is outside, I let my little dog out in the front yard (sometimes with a leash, sometimes without. He’s pretty good in that he does his business and wants to be let right back in. He hates the cold and bad weather in general, and he rarely wanders far). Meanwhile, Roommate’s dog is whining in the back to be let in.

Once Dex has done his business, I go to the backyard to let Roommate’s dog in, more to make him stop whining than to actually let him in because he always runs away the minute I get to the door. It’s a fun game we play called “Let’s piss Miranda off”.

So I feed Dexter, and THEN Roommate’s dog gets let in. Then I feed him. My dog takes after me in that he’s a friggin’ hog. Roommate’s dog doesn’t like to eat. So, I have to stand over his bowl, and say “Eat! Eat!”, and fend Dexter off at the same time because he’s like the cookie monster with anything edible. Inevitibly, I end up sitting about three feet from Roommate’s dog’s bowl, practically crying “eat eat”, while trying to keep a grip on Dexter who struggles in my arms to get away.

And then I take Dexter out to pee again.

The whole process takes at least a half hour, and by the end of it, I am ready to die.

To top it all off, this morning I woke up to find that Roommate’s cat (or dog) had knocked one of our plants off the table (I know it was him because Buddy and Dex sleep with us). The pot was broken, and there was dirt all over our living room. Soooo… yeah. It’s stressful to say the least. I am thankful that I didn’t have to clean the plant up.


2 thoughts on “Animals For Sale

  1. I Am The Way says:

    …roommate’s dog is a pussy.
    It could easily stay outside longer… like say… 15-20 more than you give it.
    That way, when you do approach the door it will WANT to come in instead of playing that lovely game you like so much.
    Also, it gives the dog more outside time… and it keeps it out of your hair more so you can deal with Damien …er, Dexter, and it might give you more time to figure out how to deal with both of them.

    …roommates dog, also, if you have to hover over it to get it to eat is not an alpha dog. Beta dogs do that.
    The dog’s looking to ensure there’s security/safety so it can eat… my folks dog does the same thing when Pa or I are around.

    …obedience school would be good for Dexter, though I think he’s still too young for it. Maybe.

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