Mia, The Kindergarten Mugger

Chase, Jeremy and I went out for lunch today (I ordered TWO desserts, btw – to give you an idea of just how bad I’ve been being), and bummed around the Y & E area until we had to go our separate ways. Jeremy walked to his place, Chase headed to work for a meeting, and I hopped on the bus home.

Because I’m me, and strangers effin’ LOVE me, I had some company on the way to my apartment. This little girl – she couldn’t have been more than five – sat next to me even though the bus was practically empty. Her mom, struggling to keep up with her, sat behind us.

It started out pretty cute. She asked me my name about a half dozen times, and told me her name was something like Aiesha (I forget now, but it started with an A. Her mother kept calling her “Mia”, and the name she gave me sounded nothing like that, so maybe she just made it up). She asked me to take her picture, which I thought was kind of a weird request (although, looking back on it, I wish I had taken one so I could post it here).

Her mom scolded her a little bit for speaking to strangers, and Mia said “Oh mom! I know her from old times!!” She insisted on showing me her bracelet (which was made from string and froot loops), and struggled to pull up her jacket sleeve to show me (she had me fold it up for her). Totally cute, right?

THEN she asked me what I had in my purse. I was like “um, just a lot of kleenex” – which is mostly true. She asked to see, and I was like, “…okay”. I asked her if she wanted a tissue, and gave her one. After she blew her nose, she asked me what else I had in my purse. I listed off my wallet and deodorant and hand cream and stuff. She wanted to use my hand cream. I asked if she was allergic to nuts (my cream has almonds in it), and she said she was (her mom later confirmed that she is NOT allergic at all). After this exchange, the kid plunges BOTH OF HER HANDS into my bag and starts pulling stuff out. First, it was a panty liner. She was like “What’s this?” I told her it was a napkin, and when she asked if she could have it, I told her that I might need it later. Naturally, she went for a tampon next, and demanded an explanation. I had nothing for her – I couldn’t even think of a lie. I mumbled something about her finding out when she’s older, and when that didn’t deter her, I said “Oh! It’s just a bit of garbage” and shoved it to the bottom of my purse. She said “THERE’S SOMETHING IN THERE! WHAT IS IT?!! Can I have it?!” and she dug it out of my purse again. It was like being mugged by a kindergartner! Her mom started paying attention to her again at that moment, and I was able to grab the tampon from her hands and zip up my purse. Luckily, we were at my stop, and I was able to run off the bus with a quick “It was nice to meet you!” over my shoulder.

Man, kids! Sketchy kids! Who knew my powers to attract weird strangers extended to people under the age of 10?!

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3 thoughts on “Mia, The Kindergarten Mugger

  1. I Am The Way says:

    LMFAO.

    I concur w/ the fella above… but I’ll add that it’s pretty damn funny when it does, as something odd always results.

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