If My Former Self Could Have a Conversation with my Current Self…

This morning, I got up, fed the baby, changed the baby, took the dog out for a pee, fed the pets, beat the dog for eating the cat’s food, did a load of dishes, folded a load of laundry and put another load in the wash, ate some cereal, checked my email, and then looked at the clock and realized that it was 8AM! EIGHT O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING!! When did I become someone who is productive before noon?

If I could go back in time and tell my university self (that is, myself 10 years ago when my life’s ambition was to become the paid beard of some rich gay man in order to fund my childless, slacker lifestyle until I died of diabetes or old age), that I was up at the crack of dawn cleaning and taking care of a baby, a cat and a dog, my university self would tell me that I am a liar and go back to sleep until 5PM.

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