Don’t Be a Creepy Stranger

Dear Lady Who Accosted Me and My Kids On The Way to the Subway,

I know I look young, but I am far from being a teen mother (and even if I was, how dare you judge me, or any other parent?). You don’t need to condescendingly question how I have dressed my children for the weather. It is not up to you to speculate how cold they might be feeling, particularly when they are happy and obviously quite warm. I assure you, they were layered up nicely under those jackets, hats, mittens and blankets, especially considering the 7 degree temperature outside.

You saw me holding my daughter’s hand as we crossed the street. Why did you feel the need to hold her other hand, and continue to hold it, until we parted? Do you know the kind of fear that strikes into the heart of a mother? Were you trying to befriend my kid? Keep her safe because I wasn’t doing an adequate enough job? RIP HER FROM MY GRASP, KIDNAP HER, AND CHOP HER UP INTO A MILLION PIECES? … Give me a freaking heart attack? I don’t know! I still don’t.

Also, don’t ask my daughter where she is going. It is none of your business. Why do you want to know? Are you just making conversation or do you plan to meet her there and claim her as your own?

As we parted, you gave my 3 year-old a chocolate bar. WHAAAT?! Here’s a tip: if you don’t want to look like a child molester, don’t unnecessarily hold a strange kid’s hand, and for god’s sake, don’t offer candy to her, ESPECIALLY without clearing it with her mother first. Now I have to have a serious conversation with my child about stranger danger and creepers like YOU, and I have to figure out how to deter an enthusiastic preschooler from eating the chocolate that the “nice lady” gave to her.

I was outwardly calm and agreeable because I didn’t want you to snap and murder us, but make no mistake. You’re a dick and I hate you.

– Miranda


4 thoughts on “Don’t Be a Creepy Stranger

  1. jenny says:

    OMG!!!! I dont know how you kept so calm!! Good job on not tearing her into a million pieces! So what kind of chocolate bar did she randomly have? I bet it was expired! That is crazy how she held Whit’s hand.

  2. Can I just say, that despite the fear that the lady might have caused you, and how confusing it must be for Whitney to understand Stranger Danger when chocolate bars are being tossed at her, your post made me laugh out loud! You write so well, and I particularly enjoyed the last line.

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