Game of Thrones Makes My Feelings Hurt

There are some books and TV shows I can’t read/watch, no matter how much I love them, because they stress me out too much. Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series is one of them. I stopped reading after the second or third book because I couldn’t stand the whole Richard and Kahlan thing – they’re together, they’re apart, they’re together, they’re apart, all because of some tragedy, misinformation, or misunderstanding. I can’t do it.

Dexter is another series I can’t get behind. I stopped watching during one of the early seasons, even though I love love love the show. Remember when he loses his crown (or part of his tooth or something?), at the scene of  a crime (his crime), and he has to sneak back in to get it? Yeah. That did it for me. Too stressful. I was literally sweating as I bit my nails down to the quick, I was so worried for him. And it turned out to be NOTHING. Dude gets his tooth and no one is the wiser. Awful!

I bring this up because right now, Chase is watching Game of Thrones, which is both a book AND a TV show that falls into my “love it, but can’t handle it” category, and I am FREAKING OUT. I tried to read the book in university, but had to put it down, and I haaaate the show even more. I just can’t do it. It sets my teeth on edge. I’m always waiting for someone to be betrayed, raped, or murdered. Any time a child is onscreen, I want to puke because I am positive they’re going to be molested. I’ve only seen 2 or 3 episodes, and I have never actually witnessed a kid being hurt on the show (aside from that one boy the incestuous chick pushed out a window), but that’s how low my expectations are. This is a sad, sad series.

What I need is for someone to tell me the Game of Thrones story, without any emotion, so I can enjoy it without bawling my eyes out and calling up my friends in the middle of the night, demanding to know what happens next. Maybe my recapper could throw in a few jokes for good measure, just to keep my spirits up. Hey! I wonder if Television Without Pity covers it? Now that I’m thinking out loud, without any thought to my readers (sorry), let me go check… Holy shit! They do!! Dexter, too!!! Why didn’t I think of this before?!

… You’ll have to excuse me for a few hours days…

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