I am a terrible shopper; I don’t even know why I bother. I deliberate over every purchase – picking up and putting down items several times, before ultimately deciding not to buy them. Even when I have a concrete plan to get something – a specific purchase I’ve justified in my mind for DAYS – 9 times out of 10, I walk out of the store empty-handed.
I just can’t justify buying STUFF. Food, definitely. I’ll eat out with friends, buy Starbucks every day, but when it comes to STUFF, I can’t bring myself to do it.
I am not entirely sure why I’m like this – poverty, probably, plays a large factor, but it’s not like I’m saving up my money or anything. I don’t feel like I’m particularly cheap – I practically bleed cash. I was raised by a certifiable shopaholic who actually makes me feel bad about not spending money on myself. Still, I feel guilty shelling out cash for tangible objects.
I DESPERATELY need new clothes, but I don’t want to shop for them (the only thing worse than clothes shopping is shoe shopping). In addition to being cheap (I refuse to spend more than $20 an item, which limits my search when it comes to certain pieces), I am terribly picky and it makes going to the mall a chore. I hate it. Virtually everything I wear is a hand-me-down from my sister, or my friends, or well-meaning co-workers who take pity on me. I have nursing bras from my sister-in-law AND a friend of mine. I DON’T EVEN BUY MY OWN UNDERWEAR. It’s real bad, guys.
Other things I am terrible at buying: accessories (see my spiel about clothes above, but multiply it by 100 because they are, in my warped opinion, a frivolous purchase), make-up, perfume, items for my home (paint, art, furniture, etc.), and gifts for other people (I don’t mind spending money on my friends and family – it’s the one spending area, besides edible goods, I don’t feel bad about – but I analyze every purchase until it paralyzes me). Umm… basically everything except groceries and restaurant food.
It would be nice to see where my money is going, to have something I can hold or touch and say “this is the fruit of my labour” (I’d never actually say that, but you know what I mean), to be a well-dressed individual people don’t immediately mistake with a homeless person… to have a well-padded savings account, even! Instead, all I have is an ever-widening ass and a bunch of hand-me-downs that no longer fit. Clearly, I need to reorganize my priorities.
**Note: As penance for posting a day late, I’ll add an extra entry on Sunday.**