I think about this video all the time (like, literally, all the time):


I know exactly what Meghann means when she says everything used to be so hard. I AM that girl going for bike rides (or walks, in our case) with her husband and thinking “let’s get this over with.” It is difficult for me to get motivated to do anything. Simple tasks and requests make me irritable and angry. When I saw this video almost a year ago, I thought “Aha! She just described me!”

I wish there was a pill I could take to make me instantly happy and grateful and energetic. It would be nice for life to be effortless.

I’d see a psychiatrist if I thought there was something legitimately wrong with me. I can’t shake this feeling that it’s my fault. My constant self-betterment projects are basically me trying to find my way out of this hole. If my house was cleaner, if my diet was better, if I slept more, if I had the willpower to do all of the little things I need to do to clean, eat healthy, step away from my computer, etc., THEN maybe I can be happy and motivated.

Most likely, my problem is that I’m spoiled and immature, with a very limited interest set. They say being an adult means doing all the things you don’t want to do; it just happens I don’t want to do anything.

Dennis Leary says “Happiness comes in small doses, folks. It’s a cigarette butt, or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm. You come, you smoke the butt, you eat the cookie, you go to sleep, wake up and go back to fucking work the next morning, THAT’S IT! End of fucking list!”

Maybe I need to relish the cookies more.


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