A Bunch of Complaints and a Quest for A More Adventurous Life

My co-worker is talking about selling all of her worldly possessions and travelling around North American in a camper, and I’m over here like “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!”

What AM I doing with my life? I think it’s pretty obvious I’ve been in a bad place for awhile, but, I mean, I’m a fairly productive adult. I show up to work every day at a job I mostly enjoy. I have two beautiful, healthy children and a husband type guy who is loving and encouraging. I couldn’t ask for better friends and family… And let’s not forget the fact that I’m a white, middle class woman in a first world country where I have the luxury of being sad just because I’m bored.

BUT. But my life, while admittedly pretty effin’ awesome, is at a standstill. I don’t grow or meet any of my goals. I don’t really DO anything, to be honest. I work to eat and clothe my children, and when I’m done doing all of my admin and mommy jobs, I’m too tired to do much else. I have absolutely nothing to show for the 40 plus hours a week I log in at the office (unless you count a fat ass, in which case, boy, do I have something to show for it!). I don’t own a house, and the one I rent is not decorated (who has money for home decor?) and it’s a little run down. My car belongs to the bank. I’m literally afraid to open my chequing account right now because I dread to see how little money I have in there (I’ve been avoiding paying my bills for a week because I can’t bring myself to look).

How’s that for a pity party, guys? Are you enjoying wallowing in my miserable mediocrity as much as I am? No? You’ve heard me say all this before and you’re bored with it? Siiiigh. Me, too.

Okay. Truth be told, I’m not really sure how to get out of this hole I’ve dug for myself BUT I WANT TO SO BAD (even though it is pretty comfortable down here). I just googled bucket lists, thinking it may give me some ideas to spice up my life, and reading through other people’s goals and aspirations was not helpful at all (except now I kind of want to go to Mexico for the Day of the Dead).

Here’s my immediate “to do” list to get me started until I can think of some more exciting goals:

  1. Get my driver’s licence – test booked for the end of the month!
  2. Sign up for French (FSL) classes – classes begin in October
  3. Stockpile money into an “adventure” fund



New Years Resolutions 2014

You guys know how much I love resolutions… I debate every year whether I should post them to my blog, but I do it anyway because (a) I have no shame, (b) I like to make plans I’ll never follow through on, (c) it’s fun to look back on them the following year, and (d) I love to read about other peoples’ resolutions. What are your plans for the New Year?


Be Proactive
My motto for 2014 is “be proactive” (very 7 Habits, I know). This covers resolutions from flossing so I don’t get cavities, to putting in extra (extra) hours at work so I’m not stressed about deadlines, to exercising so my family doesn’t have to bury me in an oversized coffin, to spending time with my children so they aren’t drawn to a life of crime. Really, “be proactive” could be my entire resolution list, but when you like to make unrealistic promises to yourself, why stop at practically everything?

Be a good role model for my kids
You know you’re doing something wrong when your child is constantly threatening to poop/fart/pee on peoples’ heads, and you realize she learned it from you (for the record, it’s totally cute when I pretend to fart on my 4 year-old, but not as cute when she does it to me in front of judgemental strangers). I notice that my kids  have been monkeying an awful lot of my negative/immature behaviour lately, so it’s time to nip that in the bud and behave the way I expect them to behave. FYI – this resolution is going to be a total drag.

Serve nutritionally balanced, homemade meals — at my dining table — at least 4 days a week
I think normal, non-white trash people already do this, but umm… I don’t. Bring on the green vegetables and table manners!


2014 GOALS

Lose 30 lbs
The same 30 lbs I gained last year (…AFTER I had the baby).

Post 100 blog entries to I Pee When I Sneeze
I miss blogging, but every time I sit down to post lately, I talk myself out of it. I think if I stick to a 3 post/week schedule, without thinking too much about how much I suck at it, or who’s reading, I might actually be able to get back into it.

Put $1000 on my credit card
And keep it there!

Move back home to be closer to my family, or find a way to work from home in Toronto
I need to find a better way to balance work and home, and right now, the plan is to move to the country once the school year is over. Also on the table: find a way to finance my life as a SAHM. It’s going to be an interesting year!

26 Easy Steps: Making Myself Accountable

One of the shittiest things I do – quite possibly THE shittiest thing – is blame others for my problems. Misplaced my pen? Someone must have stolen it. My kids get into something they shouldn’t have and make a big mess? They know better than that. I don’t feel like cleaning the house? It’s because no one else cleans the house. Ever.

I’m going to focus on making myself more accountable in the upcoming weeks (and months, and beyond). The moment I find myself making someone else accountable for my issues, or when I find myself playing the part of the martyr, I’m going to think about the following questions:

1. How did I contribute to this problem?

2. How can I fix it?

3. How can I avoid it in the future?


I’ll  let you know how that project, and the vitamin and water thing (eesh!), went as soon as I complete them.

… Also, a post every day for two weeks? Who was I kidding, right?!

26 Easy Steps – Step 2: Get a Jump Start on My Day (Update)

Getting up at 6am, particularly when I’m already so tired from being up with the kids all night, is no easy feat, but I stuck with it as much as humanly possible these past 2 weeks. I never, ever regret getting up early (sleeping in, on the other hand…). It really does set a good tone for the rest of my day. You don’t realize how nice it is not to wake up to a) a crying baby, b) a whining preschooler, until you don’t have to do it. The alarm clock is like an angel singing a gentle tune by comparison.

I’ll try to get into some meatier habits in the coming weeks, but for now I’m focused mainly on things I think will improve my mood and give me the most energy because I’ve been so grumpy and lethargic lately. That’s why, this week, I’m revisiting my old “peeing neon” project where I drink more water (I’m thinking 6 glasses? I really need to look up what’s appropriate for my body weight and balance it against how much water I will realistically drink) AND take a multivitamin every day. I hate water and vitamins, but I think it’s going to make a big improvement in how I feel. Worst case: I’m hydrated and I have a little extra B12 in my system. Also, peeing bright, glow-in-the-dark yellow is reward in itself. It’s the little things…

As always, I’ll check back in two weeks and let you know if my latest mini-project has made a significant difference.


I think about this video all the time (like, literally, all the time):


I know exactly what Meghann means when she says everything used to be so hard. I AM that girl going for bike rides (or walks, in our case) with her husband and thinking “let’s get this over with.” It is difficult for me to get motivated to do anything. Simple tasks and requests make me irritable and angry. When I saw this video almost a year ago, I thought “Aha! She just described me!”

I wish there was a pill I could take to make me instantly happy and grateful and energetic. It would be nice for life to be effortless.

I’d see a psychiatrist if I thought there was something legitimately wrong with me. I can’t shake this feeling that it’s my fault. My constant self-betterment projects are basically me trying to find my way out of this hole. If my house was cleaner, if my diet was better, if I slept more, if I had the willpower to do all of the little things I need to do to clean, eat healthy, step away from my computer, etc., THEN maybe I can be happy and motivated.

Most likely, my problem is that I’m spoiled and immature, with a very limited interest set. They say being an adult means doing all the things you don’t want to do; it just happens I don’t want to do anything.

Dennis Leary says “Happiness comes in small doses, folks. It’s a cigarette butt, or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm. You come, you smoke the butt, you eat the cookie, you go to sleep, wake up and go back to fucking work the next morning, THAT’S IT! End of fucking list!”

Maybe I need to relish the cookies more.

Couch to 5K (C25K) – Weeks 7 & 8 and Overall Review

I finished it! I can’t believe I finished it!! C25K is my BITCH!

Weeks 7 and 8 (consisting of runs ranging from 25 to 30 minutes long) were, not surprisingly, the hardest yet. I hadn’t cheated on a single workout (unless you consider running at a snail’s pace “cheating”), until Week 8 Day 1. I woke up in a bad mood and unbeknownst to me, my app was set to silent. I didn’t realize I hit the half-way point (when I usually head back to my house) until I had blown past it, and I just said “Eff it. I’m going to walk for a little while.”

FYI – 28 minutes is a long damn time to run. I haven’t cheated since the Week 8 Day 1 fiasco, but man, I wanted to.

Soooo here’s the thing. Even though I TECHNICALLY completed the program, I am basing that completion on time (30 minutes straight running), not distance. I actually downloaded an app (Map My Walk – I didn’t think I travelled fast enough to warrant the Map My Run app) to track my kilometres and I only travelled 3.6km this morning. I am happy with that number, but I still have a ways to go before I hit 5K.

My goal now is to slowly increase my distance until I reach 5km, and from there, work on my speed.

Overall Impression of Couch to 5K

I loved this program. It was challenging, but not so hard I wanted to quit. Sometimes I thought the workouts ramped up a little too quickly, but there was never a run I couldn’t handle (not including Week 8 Day 1, but I blame my crappy attitude). I highly recommend it.

Overall Impression of the Zen Labs C25K App

I thought the app was pretty good. It wasn’t anything special, but it didn’t need to be. It told me when to start my warm up, when to start running, when I was half-way, when I had 1 minute left to run, and when to begin my cool down. AND it let me listen to music (and YouTube and audiobooks and Map My Walk) at the same time. That’s all I needed.

Time it Took Me to Complete C25K

It took me almost exactly 8 weeks to complete C25K. I started on Tuesday, April 2nd and ended on Sunday, May 26. I’m a total slacker, so it was a surprise to finish on time.

Body Changes

I did not lose a single pound. In fact, I gained 5* and let me tell you, it ain’t muscle. I THINK my calves are a little more toned, but not noticeably so. Again, I am the slowest runner on earth, so I might have had different results if I exerted a little more energy.

* I am not saying C25K made me gain weight. I am pretty sure my cutting back on nursing the Spout did that.


Leave a comment below. I’d be happy to answer any questions you have.

26 Easy Steps – Step 2: Get a Jump Start on My Day

A big part of my taking on this 26 Easy Steps project was to prove to myself that I can follow through with… everything. Anything. Good god, it would be nice to follow through with something. Which is why it is so disappointing (but not at all out of character) that my first “habit” was a bust.

I was supposed to do pilates 3 times a week over the past 2 weeks, and I managed to exercise twice. Ouch.

I refuse to become pessimistic, though. I’m not going to quit. These habits are supposed to build up week-over-week, so I’m pressing on. Up is that way!

So, let’s identify what kept me from following through on completing my core exercises. One, I hate them. Two, because I hate them, I’d procrastinate and leave them to the end of the day when I would ultimately decide I was too tired to even think about Pilates. Ugh. Ab work.

This brings me to Easy Step #2: Get up early enough (6am) to tackle my workout right away without having the kids crawl all over me while I’m exercising. This *should* give me a good hour, give or take, to not only work out, but to start my day off with a little “me time”. I might even have time to shower by myself. Just the thought of taking a bath alone, with no babies playing peekaboo with the shower curtain, with the door closed and LOCKED, excites me to no end.

Week 1 was a practice week. Bring on Week 2.

Please note: I woke up at 5am today! …With a little help from Butterbean, who had been hit with asthma attacks literally all night (and all day) long. But help or not, it still counts as me following through with something. See? I’m rocking this.